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Wdym you can connect with someone so much, " oh you want this I will get it for you" "oh you hate English I will learn you language for you" "I have never connect with someone so fast" "I literally never expected meeting someone like you this year" "I went on a date and I told them about you" "all my friendly now know about you" "I am so happy I never thought I will connect with someone this year the way I did with you" "you are so pretty" " I promise you blah blah blah" "I love hanging out with you" "I never told anyone this" "I feel I can tell you stuff I won't say to anyone else" "I understand you" "This song reminds me of you" AND THEN FUCKING LEAVE YOU BEHIND LIKE YOU WERE NOTHING TO THEM, JUST GHOST YOU, NOT EVEN CARING ABOUT YOU AND IT MAKES ME HATE THEM SO MUCH, EVERY TIME I WAKE UP BECEAUSE IN MY DREAM YOU STILL CARE. I HAVE CRY I TRY TO GET OVER IT, I THROW UP, DEAL WITH HEADACHES AND CANT EVEN EAT and you didn't even care BUT what really breaks me more is how much I love you and it felt like a waste .. like I am a waste, that i was something you can just get rid of, a one time use, nothing really mattered and it hurts so much because

I know it's bad and I shouldn't follow that but I can't help having these thoughts that my friends would be better without me I know that if I'm thinking that so strongly it's because I'm not okay and I can't be there for my friends and I can't even talk because I'm socially exhausted and going non-verbal half of the time, but it's so hard to not isolate myself and to answer their texts and to try to be a functioning adult, I just feel I'm going to bother them or be a burden and make them go through this with me when they could be protected from it