I have to force myself to be ok, to smile infront of her... she will cry again if I don't...💔 But it's so hard to smile when you want to cry ... why no one gets this...

I've wanted to off myself since 5th grade. I'm currently in junior year and I can't help but think of ways to off myself so it wouldn't burden the people around me. I want to stop being like this but I don't know how to. I'm so lost. Why does life have to be so hard...