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Is he worth it ?

I am so scared of the future. I feel like I won't get a job

Master Log & Verse- August 23, 2026 The world feels incredibly heavy today. I spent hours catching up on the staggering chain of natural disasters and accidents that have hit over the last few weeks. It is hard to comprehend the scale of it all when I see the numbers laid out side by side. Venezuela: The twin earthquakes from June are still leaving a massive scar, with over 6,400 confirmed dead and tens of thousands still missing under the ruins of places like La Guaira. Colombia: Only two weeks ago, a massive 7.4 quake tore through Chocó, claiming 329 lives and leaving hundreds of thousands displaced. Indonesia: A 7.7 quake and a sudden tsunami just struck Flores Island on August 15, killing 87 people. Japan: Even highly prepared places are struggling, with Kumamoto mourning 38 victims from a late-July quake, followed by a sharp jolt near Tokyo just today. Peru: They somehow escaped casualties from a deep 6.7 magnitude quake this week, though floods earlier this year took nearly 100 lives. Closer to the local level, the daily toll of chaos in Karachi is just as devastating. The city released figures showing 603 traffic deaths already this year, heavily driven by commercial trailers and water tankers crushing smaller motorcycles and overpacked tuk-tuks. Just over this weekend, more lives were cut short—a fatal hit-and-run at Star Gate, an IED blast on the highway to Quetta, and a tragic bridge collision that left a family shattered. Tracking down the names of the victims—sorting through identities like Rameen, Sawera, and the unnamed passengers—makes the statistics feel painfully real. It is a stark reminder of how fragile everything is. The fog of worry finally lifted tonight, and I can breathe a little easier. When I spend hours reading about structural collapses, highway accidents, and rising death tolls in a city as chaotic as Karachi, my mind easily spirals into worst-case scenarios. I found myself gripped by fear, genuinely terrified that people I recognize and care about Mushk, Hamza, Laiba, Shakir and Zakir might have been caught up in that terrible weekend traffic data. It is a strange trick the brain plays, linking distant tragedies to the names I hold dear. But tracing the facts brought the best kind of relief. They are entirely safe, completely untouched by the city's sudden violence, and moving forward with their lives. They still bring people together through their podcast, and the rest of the family is safely pursuing their own paths. It is a quiet reminder that while the world outside remains unpredictable and fragile, there is immense comfort in knowing that the people who ground us are okay. The heavy numbers from this morning haven't changed, but the personal panic has quieted down. For now, that is more than enough. Shadows on the Road The world maps bleed in shades of gray, as mountains shake and bridges bend, from coastal towns too far away to crowded streets where engines roar. The heavy numbers start to blur, a city swallowed by its wheels, and panic rises like a spur - a sudden, sharp, and freezing dread. I thought of names I hold so close, of voices drifting through the air, and feared the shadow of the ghost that walks along the fractured road. But silence brings a quiet grace, the storm retreats, the skies clear out, they walk within a safer space, untouched by all the chaos near. The earth still carries all its weight, the broken stones, the heavy air, but comfort locks a quiet gate: They are alive, and they are safe.

I haven't ended up where I really wanted to be. I never expected that I wouldn't be able to enroll in my studies. Now I’m just giving up; I’m letting go of the future I had envisioned. There are so many things I want and want to do, yet I kept wondering why I couldn't manage to achieve any of them. I know that as humans we should be grateful for everything, but I can't keep repeating the same routine every day. I want a fresh start. I wanted so badly to study and become a doctor. If only I had never been born; then I wouldn't feel this way every day. I want to get out there. I want to travel. I want to enjoy life. I want to be happy. I just want to feel. I want to be loved. I want to live. I don't want to be stuck here. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to wake up every day feeling ashamed. I wish I had never been born. I didn't ask to be born. Right now, I’m not enrolled at a university because of my parents' financial troubles. I know I should be grateful to still have my parents, but I’m just a teenager—I’m 18. I’ve just finished high school, and they already expect me to work. The moment I turned 18, they started looking at me as if I were completely independent, even though I don't even have money for an ice cream. If anyone reads this and eventually becomes a parent: please treat your child the way *they* want to be treated, not the way *you* want. Look at their future and the career they aspire to. If you know your child wants to be a doctor, save up for it financially. Sorry for my poor English—in short: support your child in everything they do. I want to write more but my eyes is really tired i want to vent more hopefully i can write/post later if im yet still alive. lol🤣