Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly sad and anxious. Not the “I’m going to miss my classmates” kind of sadness — that’s just a small part of it. Honestly, I’m glad school is over. The exhausting days, sleepless nights, and constant deadlines are finally done. I should be celebrating, right? Years of hard work, sacrifice, and pushing myself should feel like something worth being proud of. But for some reason, I can’t.
As graduation gets closer, my anxiety grows heavier. I’ve had panic attacks at work and at school. My sleeping schedule is a mess, and my insomnia has only gotten worse. Every time someone asks me about graduation or my plans after, I feel this heavy pressure in my chest. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t have answers.
I’m the eldest in my family and the first to earn a degree. That’s supposed to be a big deal. A milestone. Breaking the cycle, as they say. But the more I try to shrug it off, the more it creeps in and haunts me. What now? What should I do next? The pressure is relentless.
I want to take a break. I’ve been juggling school and work just to make ends meet. Financial support has been tight, and with a younger sister also in college, things haven’t been easy. But every time I think about asking for rest, it feels selfish. Because the problems — especially the financial ones — don’t stop just because I’m tired.
And when I try to slow down or take a breather, my thoughts spiral. So I throw myself into more work. I keep myself busy. I carry the pressure of being the eldest daughter — the one who’s supposed to be strong, dependable, and successful. The one who’s not supposed to ask for help. The one who’s expected to make it.
But it’s hard. It’s so hard. And it’s eating me alive.
I don’t have the luxury to rest, but I’m exhausted. I’m trying so hard to keep it all together — to find answers, to stay strong — but most days, I’m just surviving. And even though I don’t always talk about it, this is me saying it now: I’m tired. I’m anxious. I’m overwhelmed. And I wish I didn’t feel so guilty for simply wanting a break.