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I told my ex before we ever dated about my childhood, all the sexual trauma i had ever experienced growing up I was so stupid. He raped me. He told me all about his rape and murder fantasies he had of me and other people. Hed tell me all about how he loved i was innocent, how he loved how others thought i was pure, he loved when i talked in a higher voice, when i dressed "slutty" but "cute" , how he loved ruining me, how he loved making me into a mess He loved seeing me cry and beg He told me he knew he was a bad person but he enjoyed it all. He enjoyed taking advantage of me. He admitted to raping me, yet everyone still sided with him. He got emotional support by others, our friends sided with him, my brothers blamed me for what happening Telling me that i "still let him hit", my closest friend got sick of me being mentally fucked over and left me during it all. For once, please just for once let someone believe me Please

Being a victim to grooming and assault since i was a kid feels weird. Ive always known that it wasnt my fault. But the disgust doesnt leave. I protected my virginity for as long as i could because it was the only proof i had that i had once been a child. I never got to experience was a normal childhood was like. Every other part of my body had been touched with predatory lust and scars. Everyone knew yet silently watched, they hushed my pleas for help. The shame of the last of my purity being taken away has stained my soul. He was first man i decided to trust after years of abuse. What was all of that effort for? All of that fighting just for the one i decided to entrust my life with, to forcefully take it away despite knowing what had happened to me. I hate everyone that failed me then. How could you look at a child covered in bruises and scars, begging to be saved And still turn away from them

I want a new start

**Work Journal by Mushk** *Team Reactivate – Monday, April 27, 2026 – 9:58 AM, Karachi* 2 minutes to open. Coffee: made. Notion board: refreshed. Slack status: “Doors open at 10.” My heart: doing that pre-show thump it did before film school critiques. Team Reactivate goes live at 10 AM. This is the project I pitched for 6 months. The one where we take burnt-out creatives — the directors, editors, writers who forgot why they started — and give them a space to *reactivate*. Workshops, collab rooms, zero-fluff accountability. No “manifest it” posters. Just real work and real people. My role today: Host the first onboarding call. 47 people registered. 47 people trusting us with their stalled scripts and half-finished reels. Old Mushk would’ve called Dad at 9:59 to ask if she sounded confident enough. New Mushk checked the mic, tested the slides, and wrote this instead. **Today’s priorities:** 1. **10:00 AM** – Open doors. Welcome. Set the tone: “You’re not lazy. You’re tired. There’s a difference. We fix the second one.” 2. **10:15 AM** – Breakout: “What’s the one project that haunts you?” Get it out of their heads, onto the page. 3. **11:30 AM** – Assign Reactivate Partners. No one does this alone. 4. **EOD** – Send the Day 1 debrief. Wins, stuck points, tomorrow’s focus. **Note to self:** You figured out a gas stove in Turkish at 2 AM. You can run a Zoom room. Flame’s lit. Let’s hold it. — *Mushk, Team Reactivate , Associate Creative Producer

So much information. Yet nothing is to be done with it.

"Wym for free? Ur my girl" YES SIR YES SIIRRRR WHATEVER YOU SAY SIRRR ANYTHITNFO TYOUU WOAHH WOAHH WOAHH CHILL THERE IM EASSY IM EAZZZYYY RELAX ON MEE