idk but i feel like nobody listens to me and im just talking to strangers everyday. my mom deadass hates me and i wanna move out and become a ultrasound technician

ive always been the delusional type when it comes to love, always convincing myself the people i like also like me (which is never the case). but this time, i think i have reason to think this way? my best friend of 2 months, jake, gets attached to people easily - i saw it first hand with our other friend, adam, he was obsessed with him. now that adam is no longer around, im with jake a lot more one on one. its just us most of the time, sometimes he will even ask if just us can go on our own. we're very comfortable with eachother, sleeping in eachothers houses, making sexual jokes about eachother, just straight up acting like a couple. we walked around last night for hours just linking arms, it really was like he was my boyfriend. he has said to me once while he was drunk that 'he would kiss anybody in the world, just not me' then proceeded to say it's because he loves and respects me so much. he had kissed his old best friend, and it had ruined everything - which is why he said this. its been established that im not his type whatsoever, he likes tall, skinny, brunette 'basic' girls. i'm 5'7, fat, have purple hair and have many facial piercings - so i am not blaming him that im not his type and the fact he does not find me attractive. idk if i'd call it leading me on, because he's not really doing that, but i don't know what to call it when he's falling asleep on the phone to me every night, hugging me, kissing my cheek and making jokes about us getting sexual. men are so confusing.