I don’t feel real. I feel like I’m wasting my life no matter what I do, I try my best to be in the moment and be uniquely me. But life feels like I’m watching from a window as it passes by, all these memories and moments meaning nothing in the end, none of it’s real, I don’t feel real, I’m just a spec of life in a moment in time, a singular star in the sky. I just feel like I’m watching everyone thrive, and I’m trying to as well, and even when I’m happy and relaxed, it’s only temporary. The moments and the people I meet, the life I live will eventually be forgotten by everyone, there will no trace that I ever existed. So why is it such a big deal to be great or to make yourself known, when one day your just nobody at all, I’m always waiting for the next thing that excites me and it feels like forever until then, but then the time comes and I experience what Ive been waiting months for, yet it flashes past, and I realise that I didn’t take it in or it wasn’t what I was hoping, but then I spend most of my life waiting for the next thing to happen, but all the waiting is wasted time until I reach my end. I can’t wait to be older and graduate college, to get married, to travel, have a family and a job, and eventually retire that job but I’ll just keep waiting for the next part to come without living as who I am now, it just never feels real or like it’s happening to me in this exact moment. I just want to stop feeling like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of waiting and surviving, I want to live and be real, I want to hear people I want to have a voice, but connection is hard to find now, sure we can connect online or make friend at places, but at the end of the day you are just another side person of a small experience that they needed from you in that time until they move on, but I just feel oppressed, not just by todays society but by my own head, my whole life, hopes and dreams are trapped in a waiting room for moments that never come, satisfaction that I will never reach, no matter what I do it is never enough, I am never happy enough, never loved enough, never real.