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You aren't stupid, self harm is something extremely difficult to fully heal from. Just try your best, thats all you can do. If you don't want your cuts to be visible, you could wear some sort of cover up like a cardigan or a jacket. You could also try bracelets, gloves, and other accessories depending on how far up they are. Remember it's okay to reach out, there will always be someone somewhere more than happy to listen to your problems. 💕