I have always had a best friend. Im not saying i haven't had ups and downs in friendships and i have had some end horribly and some end over simple distancing that comes with growing up, but for the first time i don't have a best friend, i did until very recently but i then received a life changing diagnosis and then she slowly stopped asking to see me, then stopped calling then today she didn't even realise we hadn't spoken at all, not even a snap, and thats when the realisation hit, i was never too busy for her, but when i cant drive and I'm at my lowest, she can just arrange plans with other people, and then i sit here and watch, and when anything is said i tell her not to worry and how proud i am, but theres nothing ever in return, not a simple “how are you” nothing, and for the first time in my life i feel lonely, but no body thinks anything of it and sees it as ok, because I'm quiet about what I'm going through, but most importantly its ok because i never had a big circle of friends so why would i expect anything different now. I guess i will get used to being my own best friend