I have a bad relationship w my dad. growing up, I carry it everyday. It's not his fault bc I believe he's a victim of generational trauma but at the same time, I can't dismiss how I feel. Everyone around me knows that ion like him that much but now he's getting weaker nd older. I have this feeling that when he die, I am not allowed to cry and be sad abt it bc I chose not to forgive him. I used to think that I don't care if he die bc I'm used to live without him but thinking abt it now nd seeing his situation, it pains me. But js like what I said, I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this way