ima do this reddit style... i 17f am bisexual and i am like 99% sure im in love with my best friend 16f. i have no other way to sugarcoat it but here's the story... we have both been with our boyfriends for a year give or take this is also a crucial detail obviously. she is straight i am evidently not... she doesnt know this. 2 people know and my boyfriend is not one of these people. i tried to tell her awhile ago but i was tipsy which lead to her thinking i didnt mean it. i also used the term "would swing both ways" because to say bisexual out loud is to open myself to scrutiny. i am very accepting of the community obviously and i could never look down upon anyone but i think what ive just described is internalised homophobia... i will never tell my best friend my feelings because our friendship is too important i could never ruin it by making it uncomfortable and i could never ruin her relationship. im also extremely happy in my relationship i love my boyfriend and i want to spend forever with him, i just think i feel the same way about her too... i think my upbringing plays a role in my own internal issues, to my parents youre gay, straight, or lesbian. anything else "doesnt exist" my parents arent huge fans of the community in general😬 i dont know what to do with my life just in general, everytime my boyfriend calls me gay as a joke i actually tense up because im afraid. i think the way me and my best friend act makes him uncomfortable anyway. when i say my best friend is straight, thats just to my knowledge. for all i know she could be feeling the exact same way as me. obviously not the whole in love with her best friend part, but maybe just the bisexual part. if yous had seen us before we got into relationships, yous would think we were in a relationship with eachother. this is just so hard to comprehend in my head. i only really sat with myself and came to the conclusion that i could be bisexual about 5 months ago. forgive me for being cringe here but i am genuinely pushing this down and praying. the kicker is im not even religious nobody in my family is. culturally im catholic as an irish person, but other than that im not religious in the slightest. how do i actually go about this, not even talking to other people about it, but how do i well and truly come to terms with my sexuality even in my own head. once im sound with myself i can focus on other people. i only have one friend that ive used the word bisexual to, and it was over text, and it STILL didnt seem right to me.