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i think the underlying reason behind why i want to be a youtuber/content creator is not just because i don’t like working at an average job, but because my nervous system has quite literally never had any real break. stressful situation after stressful situation and all for what? a small check that’s only going to all my bills. at least if i’m making content i can have fun doing what i enjoy and making more than enough money not just for bills but enough to continue actually living and not just surviving. it sucks though because it feels like people will just watch things and enjoy them but they don’t really interact anymore and that can be for whatever reason. i know the growth in content creation is slow but it feels like molasses now. i remember gaining over 1000 followers on an old (now deleted) account because of quite literally a video of me finding comfort in creepy and horror type of things. i wish i could go back to that because i actually had interactions with people of similar interests and mindsets now it just feels like i’m waiting for a nonexistent ball to fall into my hands. i enjoy making content because it makes me feel regulated and happy. not just because of making the content but the people who enjoy it. i know i’m gonna get there somehow but things don’t feel the same.